Written in the 10th month, on the 3rd day of the month, in the year of the Chief Dragon Slayer, 2012, to new Slayers undergoing rigorous training: Greetings!
Imagine my alarm when, upon my asking Bilgebuddy for the work he promised to produce, I discovered that not only had he done no work at all, he had actually burned my research files! Did you get that? HE BURNED MY FILES!! Oh I was LIVID, I can tell you, LIVID!!
And that is why, even as I write to you, the smell of dung stings my nostrils. Bilgebuddy (who is no member of the Secret Order at all, but is only an imposter) is nothing but a liar! And why do you think he did it? My inquiries into his background revealed that some years ago Bilgebuddy formed a wicked alliance with Bilgewater. An astute Dragon Slayer named Deborah had discovered the awful plot and recorded it in the permanent archives at the Order. So Bilgebuddy—knowing that if I studied the files, I would uncover the truth about him—made absolutely certain to keep his secret, shameful lies hidden.
That is why he burned my Bilgewater files!
Why, I am mightily tempted to move to Vengeance Falls and take revenge on Bilgebuddy, that wretched betrayer!
Fuming until next week,